matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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