So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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