I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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