I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
