She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
