Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
