Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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