God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
