1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
