Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
