party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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