i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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