I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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