My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
