You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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