yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just forgot I was standing up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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