Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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