I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
