he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize