your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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