I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
