So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
