you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
