I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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