I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
