just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
