Where is the hickey?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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