Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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