Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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