She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
