We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
