addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize