So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think your dad took our porno
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
