is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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