I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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