dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
