Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize