he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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