I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
