Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
