You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
