My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
