I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just google imaged poop.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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