I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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