She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
