Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
