I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
