Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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