If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
