Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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