I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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