U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
