I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
