I think I died a long time ago.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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