I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
