dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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