Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
