He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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