Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
