How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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