Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
