New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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