u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
