dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
