I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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