just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
