Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
a search helicopter?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
