he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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