i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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