YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
