i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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